Hi

Not on schedule.  Nope.  Not at all.

Ate crappy yesterday.

Really not feeling well today.  Not at all.  Sigh.

So, lap band lesson (what number am I on, like #10?), don't fall off the track too far....you'll get sick!  Duh.

So today I'm nursing myself back to health.  Still am not quite on my plan, but not eating the crap I ate yesterday.

Guess I was feeling sorry for myself.....bad pattern.  Lesson #11.......sigh.

Please don't feel the need to pity me and leave a comment......I'll be ok!!  I just need to get it together!!

Don't know if I really should blog or not today.....

.....if you need an uplifting, sweet, encouraging post, then I suggest clicking off of my post today, because it will not be ANY of those things.

I've decided that having a lap band is like being married.  Yep, I'm married to my lap band.  And I was so in the honeymoon stage there for a while.  Right now, we are definitely in the first year of marriage.  Ya know, where you are finally living together and are like, are you really like this for real???  Figuring each other out, likes and dislikes, etc. 

A couple of weeks ago when I was supposed to have a group therapy session at the clinic (remember, it ended up being a one-on-one), my psychologist asked me a question, would I do it again?  With no hesitation, I answered her, YES!  This weekend if she would have asked me, I would have thought a little longer.  My answer would still be yes.  But, man, we are DEFINITELY out of that honeymoon stage and are arguing right now.

I had a VERY unhappy weekend.  Without going into too much of a vent or complaining too much, I had a couple of stuck episodes, yes you read right a couple of them and a PB episode that followed my poor baby girl's birthday party.  Which I didn't get to enjoy as much as I would have liked because I felt like crap.

My hubby had to pull over on the side of the road so I could puke.  Fun.

I will say I did feel much better after, but still, who wants to puke?  Nobody does.

I'm losing weight like no other.  I think I've lost like 5 lbs. in the last week.  I'm down a total of 70 lbs. now.

And well, I know it's not my band's fault.  It's mine.  But, I can still be an irrational woman for a second, feel sorry for myself a second and sad for a second.  We all have those pity party moments and right now, I'm in one.

I told my husband yesterday, for the first time in a LONG time, I miss eating (food addict).  I couldn't even see my poor kid get her favorite present this season from her Nana and Papa (it was in their car because it was a large gift and we were at a restaurant) because I was too busy crying in the car because I was hurting and feeling sorry for myself. 

Will I get over it?  Absolutely!  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!  It's just a brief moment in time.  The difference between now and every other time I've tried to lose weight is that I have this little thing in me that WON'T let me give up!

Thank goodness..........

My Blog Buddies are So Smart :)

Yes, they are :)

Have you met adorkbly delish or Lapping the Band?

Well, both left comments for me on my last post about how maybe it's not that I maybe need an unfill, but that I ate too much and what I ate.

Guess what?  My NP said the EXACT same thing!!  So, after talking with her (and almost crying in the clinic), she had me go have lunch and call her an hour later.  If I was still feeling crappy, I was supposed to call her.  This weekend I'm supposed to eat normally, if I start feeling like crap, go to full liquids and call her on Monday.

But, I think she's right.  My portion sizes need to go WAY down.  Duh.  And I have not had any issues with any stuck foods at all (except potatoes...which were fine the other day, but the way....before the fill) except now that may not be the case anymore. 

I need to be eating only like a 1/4 cup and kielbasa, well, I guess it's pretty fiberous, so yeah, might be a stuck food.

I am concerned still about not getting enough calories or protein.  She said right now I just want you to focus on eating a well balanced meals and we will worry about the numbers later.  I think she knows I'm just trying to wrap my head around the whole thing and I need to take it only one step at a time.  Get the portion thing down first, THEN worry about the numbers later.

I lost more weight.  I'm down 68.2. 

So, please be patient with me while I'm figuring this out.  I'm still new at this too :)

Feels like I'm starting all over again...........

Too good to be true....

Well, I need an unfill. Yep, there's too much in my band. I was sooooooo miserable at dinner tonight it wasn't even funny.

I got through lunch just fine. It took me a little longer to eat, but it's supposed to and I thought ok, this is good. I had 2 oz. of shrimp and 2 oz. of watermelon and a light string cheese. So all in all almost 5 oz. worth of food.

At dinner my family had hot dogs, I had a Hillshire Farm Turkey Polska Kielbasa. It has like 100 calories, 4.5g of fat and 10g of protein, pretty good. Tastes pretty good too. About halfway through I should have stopped eating. I should have known better, but did I listen to my band? Nope! Even took a few bites of the squash I had on the side.

Bad idea.  Because I spent the next hour to hour and a half miserable. Saying things like stupid band. Like its my band's fault. Sigh.

I also have had, what I'm guessing is one of my mini-migraines (haven't had one in a while), going on my 3rd day now.

Ok I'm done complaining. Sorry to vent. Carry on.

TTT

Here we go :)

1.  I think I'm going to end up having a love/hate relationship with the weeks I have fills on. On the love side, I've lost 2 lbs. since Monday. On the hate side, I've forgotten what REAL restriction felt like and let's just say dinner and my snack last night were no fun AND a good reminder that my band does exist.

2.  My girl's b-day was yesterday but we did NOTHING. Poor kid. Kinda stinks when your b-day is smack dab in the middle of the week. But, alas, this weekend shall be fun!!!!!!!

3.  Our church does a pinewood derby for all the kids kindergarten thru fifth grade. How fun is that??!? It's super techy too!! Lots of camera angles and tvs set up for the audience aka the parents to watch. Well, we didn't know this last year because it was our first year (we had been going to our previous church my ENTIRE life, so big change). Poor L. His little car sometimes didn't make it down the track. So, this year his dad is really helping him out. Last night started the build nights!!  I will keep you updated ;)

4.  Sigh. L's previous school forgot a portion on his IEP (individualized education plan) to include his AI (autism impairment) program - um, kinda a big deal and the whole reason he's going to that particular school. So, we had to get up early (well, early for the summer) for me to go and sign it. That way the school will get pay for services given to him.

5.  L goes next week to his meet and greet. There we have 2 classrooms and 2 teachers to meet (and greet :).  His gen ed teacher and his ASD (autism spectrum disorder) teacher. This school is pretty cool, it's like every other elementary, but they have a special ASD program right in the building. That way he can be in a general education first grade class with neurotypical kids (in a regular class with kids that don't particularly have special needs) and when he needs special attention or breaks he has a ASD sensitive room to go to with people who are specifically trained to help him!!!

6.  M registered for 7th grade this week. Her locker is in the exact same spot in a different hall. The second from the end. Which is good for my forgetful girl. I'm thankful to God for those little things. Now she won't get lost in a sea of lockers :). First term she all the regular classes, math, social studies, science, language arts, phys ed, home room but she also has life skills. Things like babysitting and cooking. It'll be good for her. Next term instead of life skills she'll have speech and drama :)

7.  My poor mom!! She had hand/wrist surgery last week she's still recovering from, now she's trying to pass her first kidney stone. I hear they're pretty painful. I saw a brief glimpse of her pain on Tuesday and I so know she was feeling pretty bad. I hope she gets through this quick.

8.  Figured out that it's just my strawberry protein shakes clumping up on me and a solution. Put it together, shake it up, put in fridge for a bit, shake again and then drink.

9.  I'm wearing a shirt today that was one of my smaller shirts when I started losing weight. I noticed today it's started to get big on me too.

10. I am not looking forward to putting together school supplies. I have M's list, but L's list I'm sure I won't be getting until next week. Also, we still have no bus info. Come on people, school will be here before you know it!!!

A Birthday Letter to My Girl

Dear M,

Twelve years ago today the Lord brought you into our lives.  Well, technically twelve years, forty weeks and four days earlier, but I digress.  We were so excited to find out two days before Christmas the previous year, that we were having a baby.  It made it even more special that we found out on Granny's birthday and she was the first person we told!  Even though she passed away just a week later, I know that it was special for your dad to be able to tell his Granny that he was going to be a Dad.

Well, time went by and you were due on August 18th, which was a Friday.  Your Dad was really hoping you weren't coming then because he had a softball tournament the next day.....sigh.  And well, you didn't.  By Monday I went to the doctor and he said, ok well enough's enough, let's have this baby and sent me to the hospital.   But, your Grammy and I are smart cookies and thought there was no way they would let me eat, so we stopped at Wendy's and had lunch before we grabbed our stuff from the house and headed to the hospital.

You took your dear sweet time getting here (who knew that would be an omen on how you would move in life dear girl ;).  They started inducing me at noon on Monday.  By 11 pm or so that night, still not too much was happening, so they broke my water.  In the middle of the night they were getting some concerns about you, so they kept a really good eye on your heart rate all night.

By the next morning things were still moving slow and they were threatening a c-section.  I think they shut off my epidural, but no one ever told me that.  They "said" it wore off, but I've never hear of such a thing, because within a half an hour I went from 4.5 to 9.

By 8:30 we were ready and well, it took a while.  At 10:30 on August 22, 2000 at BEAUTIFUL 8 lb. 14 oz. little red haired girl was born.  Family and friends were hanging out in the hall way.  I held onto your Dad for dear life.  His shirt was not the same all day....TRUTH!!!

That night when everyone was gone from visiting (boy, you had A TON of visitors) Daddy and I were just looking at you in your little crib thingy and saying look at how pretty she is.

Here we are 12 years later and I still think look at how pretty she is, but more than that, look at how pretty she is on the inside.  M, you are probably one of the kindest people in the world I know.  Not one of the kindest kids I know, kindest people I know.  You see someone who needs something and you just jump to help them.  You have a heart for people.  You are confident in yourself that you know what you want and it's ok that it's not the popular thing that what all the other kids are doing.  You hardly ever complain that your brother ends up with a bunch of attention because of his special needs.  You do chores and work around here without complaint.  You come home daily from school, go straight to your room and do your homework, without complaint.

Mom and Daddy are so proud of you M.  More and more everyday we see the young woman you are growing into.  If you continue to pray and read your Bible and allow God to speak to you and tell you His will for your life, you will continue to do great things in Him. 

We love you baby girl.  Booch, you are the best present I ever got.  Even though our personalities are polar opposites, Mama couldn't be more proud of a kid!!  I'm protective of you because I don't ever want to see that golden heart hurt.

We love you.  Happy 12th M!!!

Interesting visit today

I told you my NP ROCKED!!  She suggested last week that if my fill wasn't enough, that she could come in on her day off and do another one today.  So, that's just what we did. 

Except, it was the most interesting fill ever.  She said she's only done a fill like this one other time to one other patient. 

You see my insurance is pretty good.  Covered the ENTIRE surgery.  But, it's wonky where office visits are concerned and that's where my problem is, that money will start adding up, as my pre-op appointments already did.  The fills themselves are covered, but the office visit isn't.  And yeah, those start to add up.  So, since today was last day in the 90-day free global period after my surgery, she came in to do my fill and visit so that I could get it for free.  Isn't she the BEST??!!!

So, she came in with her cute army green Michael Kors t-shirt and her little man in tow (her son) to do my fill.  My kids where easily entertained by bringing handheld games with them (I don't like bringing them to my doctors appointments and for them to sit there and watch me have something done to me).

She found my port much easier today than last week and put the needle in, once she did that she sat me up and had me start drinking.  While I drank water she filled the band.  Once I got to the point where I "gurgled" backed up she backed off, had me take another drink, when it wouldn't go down she took some out and had me take another sip, it went down and I was done.

Homemade fluoroscopy :)  Again I say, isn't she the BEST??!!!

This morning when I got on the scale, I saw a new number.  I'm down another pound.  So a total of 65.  I have 6.5 cc's in my 11 cc band and was warned that I will have restriction again that I haven't felt in awhile!

Here is my new anxiety for today.....if I already have over half my band filled 3 months out and not quite half my weight gone yet (please don't do the math here since I don't really "share" my numbers yet), is it going to be a problem going forward???  I sure hope not.

I will say today is another full liquid day (woo hoo).  Actually, I don't think I mind today because I had some organic creamy broccoli soup from Kroger, which by the way, I wish I would have had before and after my surgery.....no straining involved!  And a little yogurt, so like a 1/2 cup of soup and 1/3 of a Yoplait and I'm pretty much done.  Wonder if I'll be able to get my water in today.....

Well, we go this afternoon to register our 7th grader and tomorrow is the BIG day, a 12 year old in the house.  Her mouth is still REALLY sore from her orthodontic appointment yesterday.  I've been trying to help her stay on top of the pain with Motrin and softer foods. 

Have a good day everyone!! 

Thought I had nothing to say....

Then I thought about it.

I'm getting frustrated. REALLY frustrated. I'm a scale addict, I've already admitted that to you. So, when I don't see slight movements I get frustrated. Now mind you I'm happy there have been no gain, but no loses either.

I "know" the average weight loss for a bandster is 1-2 lbs a week. My weight loss has been the following:

25 lbs in pre-op
39 in 13 weeks since surgery

So, I'm averaging 3 lbs a week weight loss, above the average.

Why am I so freaked out every little stall I see? I'm always thinking I'm going to be the fat girl for the rest of my life and that despite having the surgery and doing all this, it's going to be like everything else and still not work. Ever feel like that? It scares me.

I KNOW I have to pick up my game in the exercise dept. my problem is finding the time right now with our family situation. I know once school starts (and I'm not working again-maybe) I can go as soon as they walk out the door. No excuses.

I think one more thing that I am scared about is my band itself. I did a TON of research before I got this thing so I could understand what was going to happen. I feel like I understand well. I am thinking my understanding of restriction is what has me scared. Am I too tough?? I don't feel like I have enough restriction. So, tomorrow I'm getting my last fill for free. I don't want to be over filled, but I do want this band to do its job. But I need to do my job too. Can someone tell my butt to get to the gym more often??!!

Ten Thing Thursday (TTT)

1.  We've been hanging around the house the last few days watching way too much tv and playing way too much video games.  The first day was by choice the yesterday and today, well because my boy has a random fever for no reason.  Yesterday he would hardly eat.  Today he seems to have gotten his appetite back.

2.  Had my fill on Tuesday and my restriction level so far (been on full liquid and softs since) hasn't seem to change.  Guess today will tell me.

3.  By being on full liquids and softs I've lost some weight!!!  I'm down 64.2 total now.  I'll take it!!!

4.  I had a group psychology appointment on Monday night, except for the second time in a row, I'm the only one that has shown up.  My psychologist raved about how much she likes Silk Light Vanilla in her protein shakes because it gives it more of a shake consistency.  So, I went right after and picked some up.  Um, YUCK!!!!  Drank one protein shake with it and threw the rest of it down the drain.  YUCKY!!!!! 

5.  Made a ricotta bake from a blog I found online for my lunch yesterday.  It was pretty good.  Except I forgot to spray my bowl I baked it in with Pam, so now I'm going to have a hard time cleaning it up!!  Hate that!  And I would suggest 350 instead of 450, the mozzarella cheese got too cooked for my liking.  But yummy still.

6.  Making some plans today for my darling daughter's birthday.  Now that we know what my husband's schedule is going to be, it helps!

7.  Speaking of my daughter, she has an appointment tomorrow with our family doctor who has not seen me since before my surgery.  I wonder if he will notice.....  She is getting a vaccine tomorrow, bummer for her.

8.  My mom is having surgery right now, actually.  It is outpatient and she is only getting a local for it (YIKES!!!).  She has de Quervain's Disease.  Yeah, I didn't know exactly what it was either, until she told me.  Click the link to find out more.  :)

9.  I kinda got the tiniest bit anxious this morning when I was reminded that next year, I will have a teenager in the house.  How did THAT happen and where did my baby with the red hair go??

10.  Since I'm sharing baby pics and I need a #10, here's one of L too :)  (Please note:  the poor kid probably had food allergies the whole time and we didn't know, his eczema around his face we knew was bad but we didn't know why...poor kid)



So, what is this Chicago this about??

So, I'm reading a lot about this thing that happens in Chicago, but we don't really talk about it kinda thing......I'm a little lost and since I'm new to the band world and the blog world I thought I'd look to you all for some insight.  I realize it's a month away....so, what is it??????

By the way, worked out last night with some friends.  They were working the circuit when I got there and was almost done.  So, I just finished it out with them and then did 30 mins on the treadmill.  I was full liquids yesterday and today on softs (because of my fill yesterday).  Nice drop in weight today because of it all!! 

Down 63.....can I get whoop whoop!!??!?!?!

Comments on the Chicago thing are GREATLY appreciated as I am lost, lost, lost, lost......ok, bye!