Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I've been contemplating blogging all day.

It started first thing this morning when I woke up. I had a dream. I have LOTS of dreams (you can read about another dream here). I had a dream that someone who died, came back to the earth. His family was so thrilled to see him and he put on his best face. When I asked him how Heaven was he didn't really answer me too much. I asked him if he went to Heaven, he said no.

As I am sitting here in the dark thinking about this, my heart is beating just a little faster and I could almost feel tears down my face.

I feel the need to blog, like the Lord is asking me to blog. I have so much to say, but so scared to hurt feelings, but I have to do what I feel HE wants me to do.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love. I don't like to hurt anyone. I don't like when people hurt.

Heaven and Hell are real places. I believe it. And I also believe someday we are all going to one place or the other. God has made a way for us to get to Heaven. His name is Jesus. Jesus came to earth and suffered the most horrifying death imaginable.

Lots of people believe a lot of things. I believe in the Bible cover to cover. My Bible doesn't say anywhere that just by being a good person you can go to Heaven. It tells me that I have to confess that Jesus is Lord, that He died on the cross and rose again on the third day. I also have to ask Him for forgiveness.

I also believe that we all sin. We ALL sin. But, if we continue to sin and not strive to do the things God asks of us, then He can't accept us into Heaven.

I don't think God asks too much of us. But, just like anyone, He has standards.

I love all of my family and friends. I don't want anyone to miss out on Heaven because I didn't tell them how much God loves them and just wants us to turn from what deceives us and turn to Him.

This CHRISTmas season, I am thankful for Him. Because without that Gift, I would be lost.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Santa Claus

So, last night my darling daughter *ahem* dd for short, stopped herself before going to bed to stand in front of me to tell me very close to this......a couple of years ago, I saw wrapping paper here that was the same paper that was on my Christmas presents.


You know what is the funniest part about this....I remember seeing her see it. It was in a closet either in the front coat closet or in the bottom of my closet. She stopped and saw it and moved on. Last night I was a bit thankful for ADHD - I because I was able to distract her from continuing on with the conversation. It went a bit of something like this.....M go to the bathroom and brush your teeth to get ready for bed. And that was it on the conversation.

Thinking about this, we have never really done the "Santa" thing. We don't put cookies out. We don't take the kids to see Santa at the mall. We've never really done the letters, but this year M is really is into it....I also think it may be close to being one of the last years she will be. We do wait to put gifts out until Christmas morning and no names are ever on the gifts. I don't know. I go back in forth in my head. Part of me thinks it's fine to let them pretend and part of me feels a bit like I'm lying. Just my personal conviction.

So, Santa. Do you remember when you stopped believing? I believe I was 8. My grandpa had gotten very sick and was in the hospital and my poor family was running up there often, trying to go to work, school, find babysitters, etc. Anyway, on Christmas Eve Santa always came to my grandparents house to deliver a few gifts there (and always at our house on Christmas morning, he came twice for us :-), but that year we didn't go there on Christmas Eve. Instead on Christmas morning, I believe, we woke up and found gifts under our tree. I remember I got a chair to go with my desk and on the chair was a note from Santa.......except it was my mom's handwriting.

So, tell me what you remember about figuring it out.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

4 years ago today......

Here is what happened 4 years ago (yesterday and today):

Four years ago yesterday it was a Wed. night and I went to the hospital to be observed because my blood pressure was really high. I had an appt. on Thursday for an NST (non-stress test) and to see the dr. at 10 and 10:50 am.

I was hooked up to the NST machine and things were fine. The baby’s heartrate wasn’t doing a whole of lot of reacting when they were moving, but still fine. Then all of a sudden the heartrate drops off. I thought the baby had moved. So, I waited and no one came. You see the NST room is in the back of the office where no one is and I get forgotten about. I tried moving it around and finally decided to go find a nurse asst. She came back in and couldn’t find it. She got another nurse asst. and she couldn’t find it. They got the Doppler, still couldn’t find it.

They take me up front to see the doctor. She gets out the Doppler and can’t find the heartrate. She brings the ultrasound machine into the room and calls the other doctor into the room. Of course by now I am crying. The other doctor came in the room. They were trying to whisper over my head. Then I am not sure if they could find the heartbeat or not, finally they did and began counting. The heartrate what I know now was in the 70’s.

By now they are calling 911. I had to get my cell phone and call P and my mom. P was taking M to the doctors because she was so sick. I had to track him down in the waiting room and to have them tell him to come because they were rushing me to the hospital by ambulance. Then I remembered to call back (even in the midst of craziness) to tell them I wasn’t going to the hospital we had planned on but to the one closest to my doctor’s office.

They called 911. They put me in an ambulance and we had a police escort to the hospital. I found out later that my blod pressure in the ambulance was 200/150.

I got to the hospital at approximately 12:00 pm and our baby BOY was born at 12:10 pm. He was born on Thursday, November 3rd at 12:10 pm. He weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and was 19 inches long. He has a head full of dark hair with natural highlights!

God was there with us that day. He protected L from all the harm that could have come to him. He protected me throughout the surgery and in the ambulence where my blood pressure was extremely high.

That's what happened 4 years ago today.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Decided I needed to blog.....

Today has been a very calm day. Quiet. Not a whole lot done, but relaxing. I love those days. This also probably would have been a great day to get my butt up and get to work. Clean, organize, all the things I keep putting off. Yet, here I sit.

The end of the school year is upon us. I am sad to see the people who love my kids and have taken care of them academically this year go, but unfortunately, that's life. I told M's teacher the other day we hoped he taught 4th grade next year. I wanted to let him know how much we have appreciated him and the work that he's done with her.

So, what are your plans for the summer? We have a few things that we would like to do. First and foremost is to get L potty trained. Ugh. I hate that he's behind in so many areas, but I have also see the progress that he's made this year. I am very proud of him and I love him so very, very much. This mommy is a very grateful one. Secondly, is to keep M on target for 4th grade. I have decided this is the summer to push more independence and so I am creating a chore chart. Yes, it will be chores along with school initiatives like study island and reading. I told her she could earn money or toys. She has chosen toys. And I am sure that will translate into a new DS game or two. But, if she works hard, she will have earned it. My final goal for the summer is to take the kids down south to visit my family. I want to meet new family members I have never met and for them to meet my family.

I would love to get comments on my blog, so feel free. Also, here is my second question for you, what blogs do you read? Currently this is the list that I try keep up on:







http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/storked/ (this is a blog from a single mom's point of view)



http://www.mattlogelin.com/ (WARNING: Matt uses VERY, VERY strong language, he has a wonderful/awful story to tell, but his language, well....not so much...PLEASE be warned!!!!!)



Monday, May 18, 2009


Anyone who knows me really well, knows I don't sleep well. A while ago I was diagnosed with slight sleep apnea when I sleep on my back. Well, that doesn't really help me, since I don't sleep on my back. I just constantly dream all night long. Sometimes good dreams, sometimes not so good. But, none the less, my brain doesn't shut off at night.

On Saturday night I stayed up and watched most of SNL. I finally drifted off to sleep around 1ish. Thus began my long night. I had dream on top of dream, mostly not good. I finally woke up around 8:45 am and was exhausted. I decided to go ahead and stay home from church.

Fast forward to this morning. Since I didn't sleep well on Saturday night, I ended up taking a nap on Sunday. Thus began a terrible cycle. I was up until about 3:30 am last night. So, when the alarm went off at 7:30 today, again, exhausted. But, I got up. A little while ago I was laying in bed, again going to nap (don't you just love a good nap?) and a thought flew into my head.

"Christ is coming tonight"......

Now the Bible says no man knows the day nor the hour. But I thought, hmmm. What if we did know He was coming back tonight? Would I really be laying here in bed trying to sleep? No, I would be telling everyone that doesn't have a relationship with Him all about Him.

Let me tell you about Jesus. He is so much more than I can put into words. You know those times in your life when you just don't think you can take anymore, or you cannot handle one more thing. He is the One that comforts me.

When I was in an ambulance racing to the closest hospital thinking that my baby could be dying, did I spend the entire time crying? NO! I was praying. My family was praying. My church was praying. L is alive and well because of prayers to my God!!

I have had a lot of depression in my heart throughout my teenage and early adult years. God is a Healer. He helped me to realize that life is hard, but it isn't as hard as we make it out to be.

He's my forgiver. Am I sinner? YES! We all are. But, by His grace, and His alone, I am forgiven. Have I ever killed someone? No. Have I ever lied? Yes. Sin is sin. God is a great big God! He created the entire universe. Don't you think He can forgive you? Of course He can. He's God. He can do whatever He wants. And trust me, He loves you and wants to forgive your sin.

The Bible tells me that no sin can enter Heaven. That's why I am writing this. If He truly were to come today, would you be with us in Heaven? Being a good person is wonderful. But, just being good won't get you into Heaven. Jesus would never have had to die on the cross if that were the case. We cannot work our way into Heaven. In 2 Timothy 1:9 it says, "who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began".

I love you and want to know that I did everything in my power to tell you about the love of God. He sent His One and Only Son to die for us (John 3:16). That all we need to do is to ask Jesus to forgive your sin, confess that you know that Jesus died and was raised from the dead and believe it in your heart and you will be saved (Romans 10:9).

I don't ever want to think I could have done more to tell you. I want you to know I love you and am fighting for your soul.

I am here for anything. Questions, for you to be angry at me and me still want you to know how much I care for you and your soul. Please don't disregard this. Just think on it.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


You know, when life gets hard it is sometimes hard to remember that it goes so very quickly....

Baby Kayleigh passed away yesterday. I don't know this family personally. But, my heart breaks for them. It has been such a difficult year I am sure for them. They were never allowed to take their baby home from the hospital. Their other two children had only seen their sister once in like an 8 month time period. Hard. Awful. Sad.

I am thankful today for my children. Both of whom can talk, walk, eat, play, smile, laugh. I am going to try today to be more patient. To remember that time goes by so quickly. To make more time to laugh together. To smile. To remember they will not always be this age. I will love listening to them make each other laugh.

I will also be thinking about the Freeman family this week. I pray God's tremendous comfort for them. That only He can give. I will pray for the other two children, who I am sure are confused and sad. But, glad to see mom and dad.

Join me in holding your loved ones a little closer today, because we can.

For those of us that have lost children, remember your hurt and pray for the Freeman's.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Living Life with a Delayed Child

I guess I am writing this so that you who have never lived with a delayed child, get an idea of what it is like. I am also writing this as some sort of therapy for my pity party that I always secretly have in my heart.

L is going to be 3 1/2 years old in couple of weeks. In general, most 3 1/2 year olds are potty trained. My 3 1/2 year old is not. He's working on it, but shows no sign of completion any time soon. He also shows no sign that he is interested in ever being potty trained. I guess I should start at the beginning instead of going backward.

My son was born 2 weeks and 5 days early. Not a preemie by any means. He was a BIG boy and by the way, I do know that my due date with him was spot on. However, he was born very traumatically. That being said there were concerns about brain bleeds or possibly even water on the brain. So, the day after being released from the hospital we had to return to have a head ultrasound done on him. While we were there we were informed that they had found a few cysts on his brain, but the good news was there was no water on the brain, nor brain bleeds. But, even after asking, we never really got the question answered, was there a lack of oxygen to his brain?

Fast forward a bit, L hit all of his milestones during his first year. Then when he was a bit before 2, we really noticed his lack of language. He didn't seem to listen to us, he didn't speak to us. He had the ability to, always speaking gibberish, but never really words.

When you have a child that is doing this, most people in general will say to you, don't worry about him, my kid didn't talk until he was 3 or 4 or whatever, and they are fine now.

But, knowing something was a bit missing, I talked to his doctor. Who wasn't overly concerned but helped us on a path for getting info we needed for L. We had to take him to have his hearing tested to make sure that wasn't it. It wasn't it.

We had someone from Early On come to our house and evaluate him. Although, she was way off in one area (saying he had a gross motor delay) she did see delays. Then we moved onto the school district where he had to be reevaluated. From there we started attending a play group for kids with speech/language delays. Toward the end of the play group, about a year ago, he was retested in a few areas and not only did he continue to have the speech/language delays, he now also had a fine motor skill delay. Which then he was re categorized as having Early Childhood Delays.

Now we have been referred onto the preschool special early education program at our school district's early childhood center. My son has been in this program all year. He has met all of his goals that we set for him. However, we still have a receptive language delay and fine motor skill delay. He also has some behavioral issues. We will be in the same preschool class next year (different teacher and time). He has grown leaps and bounds over the year, but we have a long way to go.

I guess I wanted to write all of this because my heart hurts for so many reasons. I also feel like people think that it's our fault, which I also think it is my fault to an extent. Anyway, my kid, right now, won't be able to do the same thing your kid did at 3. He would never be able to be a ring bearer in a wedding (my daughter was a flower girl at the age of 2). He has a hard time sitting still, so when he changes classrooms in the fall at church I will be a nervous wreck.

I just want my baby to be ok and no one will tell me he will be. No one will tell me as he grows up, he will catch up. No one will definitely tell me he does not have Autism or is on the Autism Spectrum.

How do you teach someone with delays that they have a life threatening allergy???

My son, does not always understand when you talk to him. He skims his toys next to his eyes. He can practically repeat any Max and Ruby episode he has seen. I know you are not supposed to compare him to other children, but when you are around other children, how can you not?

This is probably the most honest blog I have ever written. I don't feel like I can take him all the places I'd like to take him, because he doesn't realize he needs to be quiet or because he needs to sit still and just simply can't.

My heart hurts for lots of reasons. This is the biggest one.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


For anyone who has DVR'd House and has not watched it yet, you may want to wait until you watch it before reading this.

It's not a surprise to many, but I love tv. Probably too much and I probably need to do something about it. I do love to read too. I know I am probably weird, anyway.

I should be packing up my lunch and head out the door for work, but I wanted to talk about a show I watched last night.

I really enjoy House. Hugh Laurie in that role is amazing and I am sure quite the opposite of how he really is.

But last night, they portrayed a co-worker who commited suicide. How sad. How very sad. I have been blessed in my life to not have anyone who has commited suicide and for those of you who have, my heart very much goes out to you. This show upset me so much that it filtered in my dreams last night and someone in my life (in my dream) commited suicide. It was very much upsetting.

I just want to put it out there, that if you are considering this, please let me find help for you. The Bible says that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He can help, we just have to let Him.

Love to my friends and family.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

My Jesus

I am a born again Christian. And if you don't already know that about me, it makes me sad, because that means I am not doing my job. I am not showing the love of Jesus or telling you about Him.

This morning in service we heard a message about the Rapture. Have you ever heard of the Rapture? Many shows have probably made fun of us Christians thinking this is a crazy thing. But the Bible tells me different.

In Matthew 24:42-44 the Bible says....

"42 Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming. 43 But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into. 44 Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."

What this means is that God is sending His Son back to earth for His people. Those people who have asked God for forgiveness and have turned from their way (sin) and proclaim that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died and rose from the dead. Are you one of those people? I am.

God is an awesome God. He sent His one and only Son to die for us so that we might know Him and follow His word. He gives us hope for a new tomorrow but does not promise it to us.

A lot of people think that God is some giant man sitting in Heaven waiting to destroy you. In fact it is quite the opposite. God loves you. He wants nothing but the best for you. He is like any Father. He has rules for us. He is disappointed when we do wrong, but He loves us more than anything and only has what is best for us in mind.

Do you know my Jesus? Because He wants to be your Jesus.

Please know we have all sinned and but we can be forgiven. I am not writing this blog to scare you, I am not writing this blog to tell you you've done something wrong, because I am the first to admit I do thing wrong all the time. I just want you to know that Jesus is coming.

He is coming soon. If you don't know Him, please let me tell you about Him. Get to know Him.

I love you my friends and family!!!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

My Biggest Loser Experience.....the Blog! Part 3

No call for me.

Here's the article. Some of you will know Jaremy Davis, he happened to be 5 people in front of me.

By they way, I don't recall exactly saying it was worth it because I made some friends. It was nice meeting people, but it was COLD!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

My Biggest Loser Experience.....the Blog! Part 2

Oh, where to begin. I guess the beginning. I got to my friend's house and off we went. It wasn't too bad of a drive, maybe 35 mins. Once we got there, we saw the sea of people and I was highly disappointed that I didn't get there sooner.

But, we started walking to the end of the line, which was far from the store. On our way, I slipped and fell in the parking lot. But, I got back up and kept going. We got to our spots and sat down. At first the cold wasn't too bad. A while later my hands started to freeze. But, once they warmed up my toes felt like little ice cubes. My wonderful friend offered to go to Meijer to get toe and hand warmers from the hunting section. They were the best things to have out there. I was very grateful for my friend not only motivating me to go, but to help me out by helping me stay warm.

While I was there, I met up with an old friend from church growing up. We caught up a little while standing in line. I also made a few new friends. We got to the store at 6:45 am, my friend did have to leave as she was freezing her tootsies off and she did need to go to work! It was a win win for us both because she got to warm up and I got all three blankets! But, even three blankets weren't cutting it. The weather says right now it's approximately 22 degrees but feels like 14. Add in the wind and it makes for a very cold 7 hours waiting outside.

Once we were inside things got better.....except my hair. That hat did nothing for my hair!! Oh, except ruin it. Oh well, at least I tried to stay warm.

Oh yeah, and while we were waiting we spoke briefly to Pete and Shellay.

Once we got in a lot about this season was explained and it is individuals. So, now I wait. They said if they wanted us to move onto the next level that we would get a call before 10 pm tonight to schedule an on camera interview. I, of course, have my cell phone right next to me.

I also got interviewed by this newspaper. So, check it out tomorrow for the article. I will post a more direct link once it's available.

So far, that's it. We will see. There were a ton of people still in line. Watch this newscast, you can't see me, but an idea of what it was like out there. And oh, by the way, she was way off because I was 283 and I had been out there since 6:45 am.

Ok people only 2 1/2 hours until their time deadline. I'll let you know.

My Biggest Loser Experience.....the Blog!

So, I knew that the Biggest Loser was coming to Detroit for a casting call and I had debated in my head for a while. When the week of it came, I debated it even more. So, after much thought and my friends' opinions I decided to go for it. We are in a place in our lives that this will be the only time that we will ever be able to do this. With P being laid off, he will be able to be at home with the kids. I am a pretty negative person, ya know, glass is half empty kind of thing, but this morning I am trying something new.

Let me tell you, I went to bed at about midnight and just couldn't get to sleep. It was too cold, then I was coughing and of course my mind was racing. Thoughts like, they will never pick me, it's freezing out, etc. ran through my brain. But yesterday at work we had a best practices meeting and one was to start my day new everyday. Clear negative thoughts from my head.

So, after maybe 3 hours sleep I got up at 4:44 am and right before I got out of bed I tried to literally sweep away the negative thoughts (it's a new concept to me people). I got up and started getting ready. In about 25 mins. I will be heading out the door with a great friend who is willing to stand in line with me as long as she possibly can before she has to go to work. I will be wearing 2 layers of everything, well, not everything...socks, pants and shirts. I am taking like 3 blankets. Two sets of gloves. A hat. A scarf. Right now it's 15 degrees out and it won't be much warmer today. I read on their website that they try to see the first 500 people in line and they asked that you don't get in line until 3 hours before the start time (7 am), so that's where we will be a 7 am. With our blankets, chairs and layed butts trying to get in to see them. A back up for me is tht I completed their online app with a dvd and picture and it's already in an envelope, so I can always mail it.

I will blog an update later to tell you what else happens, also I may try to update my facebook status to reflect what's going on while we sit there. Check it out!!

Pray God's will for this. I don't want to be out His will. It would be nice to be chosen, not only would my life and health change but to know that I could make some money is a bonus. I'd be happy to win a treadmill.